Passion
This post has been on my mind for awhile, but I didn't feel I could deliver my thoughts concisely so I've kept my distance from the subject. Then today I watched Morning Glory and I guess you could say it gave me the final "push" I needed to write this out.
Ever since I was a little girl I was instructed to follow my passion in life. That if you do what you love, you will be successful (success in my family is not measured monetarily). I've always dreamed of finding an occupation that I found fulfilling. My band director in high school only contributed to this vision. He told us constantly how much he loved his job and how he hoped we, his students, would all go on to enjoy a job that we were excited about going to every morning. I would think Yes! I will find this job and I will be amazing at it!
I picked out my favorite subjects in school (no easy feat since I was one of those annoying students that loved school), picked out my favorite school, and then off I was to get the degree for the job that I would love.
After college I went into the work force and it didn't take me long to figure out that I wasn't exactly passionate about my job. I told myself Oh, it'll grow on you. and then I told myself Just do your best, you'll probably love it more when you get more responsibility. And then I started thinking Well, maybe you don't need to love your job. Maybe you can love a hobby or volunteering. Or, maybe you're not destined to love your job. Maybe that would take up too much time, and you need that time for the people in your life. Life isn't about work.
The hobby/volunteering thought was comforting, but as much as I believe "life isn't about work" I also recognize that so many of us spend much of our awake-time working. So the desire for a job that I was passionate about remained.
Then, I got laid off.
Financially, it wasn't the end of the world. Military pay (husband's pay) isn't the best, but you can definitely take care of your family off it. So, instead of seeking out a new job immediately I decided to take a different big step -living with my husband. I'm absolutely crazy, I know. But that's another story for another time.
Now I have all the time in the world. I believe I was 3 years old the last time I've had this much time for such an extended amount time. And I'm dying to do something. And my mind is just begging me to go find something that I love.
The problem is. I don't know where to start... and then I wonder: is it even a good idea? Should I just get a job that can pay the bills and has good people? Most people don't have jobs they love. That's just a lucky few.
And then I see people who have a passion and I get so jealous. My dad can't put down his work on vacation, he can't retire because he'd rather be in the office than out playing golf. I want that. There was a man on HGTV who's wife had hired people to redo one room the house to give her husband (a contractor) a break because he had done the rest --but he kept asking the people who were doing the room if he could help. You could tell that was his passion, he couldn't stay away.
And I'm jealous of these people. I don't think the job has to be somehow miraculous. I just want a job that I will even do when I'm not at work. There are so many things I want to explore, but I worry about the cost of having to go back to school. What if I go down a new path only to discover that, too, isn't my passion?
I know this is such a blessed position to be in. I haven't lost sight of that yet. But it is a bit of a conundrum, and having all the time in the world only seems to amplify it in my mind.
I don't like ending posts inconclusively, but this is life. Experience tells me that life is pretty inconclusive in general.
In the mean time, I'm just trying to enjoy the cloudy. Enjoy the journey.
Ever since I was a little girl I was instructed to follow my passion in life. That if you do what you love, you will be successful (success in my family is not measured monetarily). I've always dreamed of finding an occupation that I found fulfilling. My band director in high school only contributed to this vision. He told us constantly how much he loved his job and how he hoped we, his students, would all go on to enjoy a job that we were excited about going to every morning. I would think Yes! I will find this job and I will be amazing at it!
I picked out my favorite subjects in school (no easy feat since I was one of those annoying students that loved school), picked out my favorite school, and then off I was to get the degree for the job that I would love.
After college I went into the work force and it didn't take me long to figure out that I wasn't exactly passionate about my job. I told myself Oh, it'll grow on you. and then I told myself Just do your best, you'll probably love it more when you get more responsibility. And then I started thinking Well, maybe you don't need to love your job. Maybe you can love a hobby or volunteering. Or, maybe you're not destined to love your job. Maybe that would take up too much time, and you need that time for the people in your life. Life isn't about work.
The hobby/volunteering thought was comforting, but as much as I believe "life isn't about work" I also recognize that so many of us spend much of our awake-time working. So the desire for a job that I was passionate about remained.
Then, I got laid off.
Financially, it wasn't the end of the world. Military pay (husband's pay) isn't the best, but you can definitely take care of your family off it. So, instead of seeking out a new job immediately I decided to take a different big step -living with my husband. I'm absolutely crazy, I know. But that's another story for another time.
Now I have all the time in the world. I believe I was 3 years old the last time I've had this much time for such an extended amount time. And I'm dying to do something. And my mind is just begging me to go find something that I love.
The problem is. I don't know where to start... and then I wonder: is it even a good idea? Should I just get a job that can pay the bills and has good people? Most people don't have jobs they love. That's just a lucky few.
And then I see people who have a passion and I get so jealous. My dad can't put down his work on vacation, he can't retire because he'd rather be in the office than out playing golf. I want that. There was a man on HGTV who's wife had hired people to redo one room the house to give her husband (a contractor) a break because he had done the rest --but he kept asking the people who were doing the room if he could help. You could tell that was his passion, he couldn't stay away.
And I'm jealous of these people. I don't think the job has to be somehow miraculous. I just want a job that I will even do when I'm not at work. There are so many things I want to explore, but I worry about the cost of having to go back to school. What if I go down a new path only to discover that, too, isn't my passion?
I know this is such a blessed position to be in. I haven't lost sight of that yet. But it is a bit of a conundrum, and having all the time in the world only seems to amplify it in my mind.
I don't like ending posts inconclusively, but this is life. Experience tells me that life is pretty inconclusive in general.
In the mean time, I'm just trying to enjoy the cloudy. Enjoy the journey.
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